Brian J. Hall

“I love Brian for the man he is, the man he will be, and for who I am when I am with him.” -Kelly

Brian decided we should write each other’s bios and I immediately knew he was getting the short end of the stick on that deal (I have not yet gotten to mention that he is brilliant, hilarious, caring, witty, adorable, thoughtful, and possibly a vampire judging by his sleep patterns). Please scroll down to see his autobiography. This will show you a little piece of why I love him so much. There is not a single day that goes by that he doesn’t have me cracking up; especially when it’s not appropriate. I know our life together won’t always be easy but I do know that he will always make me smile.

I am constantly amazed and impressed by the things that Brian can do. He is extremely talented and I get joy from watching him create. Even though he runs two companies and is endlessly busy he always puts me first.  He makes a point to tell me that family and friends come first and then work. He knows what is important in life and he lives by this mantra.

Saying YES to Brian’s proposal was the easiest thing I have ever done in my life. I already knew our lives would be intertwined forever. Being with him is as natural as breathing. Basically there’s no getting rid of me. May 7, 2012, two years from our first meeting, we went back to that Starbucks (or Lovebucks as we have since deemed it) and he truly surprised me with the most gorgeous engagement ring. I had never seen him nervous before this day. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen and hearing the stories of finding the ring (thanks Cara!) and the meaning of the ring were just the icing on the cake. I have said that marrying Brian is going to be like 1,000 Christmas’s. Anyone who knows me know how much I love Christmas so this is pretty serious.

Brian is the man that I have as much fun sitting on the couch with for a TV marathon as I do when we are roaming the streets of Santorini. I’ve undoubtedly met my match and I dream of the endless adventures that lie ahead.

BTW, I love him MORE. Don’t believe a word he says. That is all…

Brian decided to take a stab at describing himself, in his customary humble style. Consider yourself warned.

Aside from his dashing good looks and rapier wit, Brian has developed a name for himself as one of the original founders of the Illuminati; A substantial feat, given their rise two hundred years before his birth. To this day, the American Academy of Science continues to deny the obvious facts supporting this claim.

During a prolonged childhood illness, Brian slipped into a month-long coma, emerging with the solution to Fermat’s last theorem, which included the creation of an entirely new number he dubbed “Pon” (the precise decimal value is hard to nail down, since the number shares a quantum super-position state with all of Schrödinger’s cats, and they’ve developed behavioral issues regarding their uncertain mortality).

Shortly after winning his 3rd consecutive People’s Choice Award for best overall person in a continuum, Brian renounced oxygen and is able to exist comfortably in several known atmospheres, including being submerged in water. Despite this, he is unable to withstand pressure depth exceeding that of any normal man, so he’s not able to go very deep.

On a bright day in May, Brian was having coffee at a Lakeland Starbucks when he noticed Kelly for the first time. Reports vary, but he was rumored to have gasped and described her as the loveliest woman he’d ever seen. Unfortunately his girlfriend at the time, Demi Moore, was standing next to him when he said this. Fleeing the cafe in tears, Moore never fully recovered from her heartbreak, and continues to date men with similar bon vivance and sex appeal. Brian promptly asked Kelly on a date, and his life changed forever. Did I mention he was saving a bus full of orphans from going over a cliff? That was all happening at the same time. It was a crazy week.

Two years of dating confirmed what Brian had deduced in the first few minutes: they were meant to be together. With only a spare onion ring in his pocket, he wished it into a fabulous diamond (Brian developed this ability while studying Buddhism, finding a loophole for materialism during enlightenment. He usually just uses it for party tricks, but this was a special occasion), and asked for Kelly’s hand in marriage. For unknown reasons, she said yes, and the rest is mostly fabricated history!